Wellsy Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 A few jokes1.Who wrote the book "Tiger in the Bed?"Claude Balls2.What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?Sista Matic3. Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are all convicted of trying to blow up the White House. As a punishment they are to be left in the middle of the Sahara Desert to die. Before they go they are all told they can take one item each with them to help them survive.The Englishman says "ill take water coz u cant survive in the desert without water".The Scotsman says "ill take food coz u cant survive in the desert without food"and The Irsishman says "ill take a car door, bcoz if it gets too hot i can roll the window down"Thats all folks, there will be more later Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enders Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 I didn't get the first one, but the last one is good :DI don't have any funny jokes I call recall right now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam.Gen. Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Ok, there are 3 people that find this "genie" that will grant them all things, you just have to jump off this clip for them to work.The first guys says, "I want wings so i can fly like a bird." so he jumps off and is granted wings to fly with.The second guys says, "I want a jetpack so i can zoom around." and so he jumps off the cliff and is granted a jetpack and flies away.The last guy slips and says, "OH CRAP." *ssspppllllaaaatttt* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BornToDie1955 Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Egidio. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enders Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 ya, I'll modify my jokeHow do you please a bunch of *cough* guys in *cough* barTurn the stoo*cough* *cough cough cough* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam.Gen. Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 -UnwantedHero]ya, I'll modify my joke How do you please a bunch of *cough* guys in *cough* bar Turn the stoo*cough* *cough cough cough* LOL yeah good job modifying.....lol yeah i get it...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Never_Surrender Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Now this is TrueThere is a Chinese Restaurant in Dublin ( Ireland ) calledPADDY FIELDSLOL LOL LOL !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Potatoe_Cannon Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Well, since the Irish jokes are already flying around.....An Irishman dies and goes up to heaven. When he arrives at the gates of Heaven, St. Peter pulls his file to review what he has done during his life. He reads it over with a worried look on his face, and then says to the man, "Excuse me sir, it says here that you were a member of the IRA during your life. Is that true?" And the man nods his head. So St. Peter continues, "Well, it says here you were responsible for several bombings, is that true?" And the man nods his head again. So St. Peter finally says, "Well, I'm terribly sorry sir, but I don't think I can let you into Heaven." So the man replies, "Oh I'm not here to get in, I just wanted to tell you that you have 20 minutes to get out." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam.Gen. Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 Well, since the Irish jokes are already flying around..... An Irishman dies and goes up to heaven. When he arrives at the gates of Heaven, St. Peter pulls his file to review what he has done during his life. He reads it over with a worried look on his face, and then says to the man, "Excuse me sir, it says here that you were a member of the IRA during your life. Is that true?" And the man nods his head. So St. Peter continues, "Well, it says here you were responsible for several bombings, is that true?" And the man nods his head again. So St. Peter finally says, "Well, I'm terribly sorry sir, but I don't think I can let you into Heaven." So the man replies, "Oh I'm not here to get in, I just wanted to tell you that you have 20 minutes to get out. :D:P:D:P:D:P:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enders Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 Now this is True There is a Chinese Restaurant in Dublin ( Ireland ) called PADDY FIELDS ya, well there is a certain picture in our gallery dipicting a very interesting name for a town... www.hell2u.com hell, michigan! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-3ishop Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 well Wellsy thats the first time I heard that last joke told like that lol, most the time its the polish being made fun of =Pnice joke btw Potatoe_Cannon(note I am Irish and Native American nice mix eh?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BornToDie1955 Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 One for the fun : (but i dont know if the story is the same as in french mind...What is the statement or yield between a "dog", a "cat" and the "GSM" (hand phone or portable) ?<--- right name "cell phone" by Potatoe_Cannon.The dog come quickly when you call it like when you call a person by the gsm and the person says "Hallo".The cat receive the message and answer you later like a sms : the cat see you with strange eyes regards when you call it to come on your arms or legs, but after a half or 1 hour later the cat come on you ??? Like the sms on gsm... Egidio. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E_NORM_US_1 Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 WHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! :? :? :? :? :? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Potatoe_Cannon Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 I think what he means is calling a dog is like using a cell phone. When you call, it answers you. But a cat is like and answering machine. When you call it, it looks at you like "yeah, I hear you, but if you want something you can drag your lazy *** over here and do it yourself, because I don't give a ****." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 A husband and wife are fast asleep when a knock at their door awakens them at 3 AM. Grumpily, the man gets up and goes down to see who could be at the door at such an ungodly hour. He opens the door to see a middle aged man squinting at him. The guy is staggering around, obviously drunk. The husband yells "What the heck do you want, don't you know its 3 in the morning!?" The drunk says "Terribly sorry to bother you, but could you give me a push?" The husband replies hastily "No now get out of here!" and goes back up to bed. He tells his wife what happened and his wife says "Honey, don't you think you could have showed a little more compassion toward the guy? Why don't you go back down there and help him." Knowing that if he doesn't he will be in the doghouse, the man gets up, puts on his clothes and goes outside. He is standing at his door but the drunk is no where to be seen, and there are no cars in the street. So he calls out "Hey, are you out there?" From off in the dark he hears a somewhat faint cry "Yes". He calls out "Do you still need a push?" Again he hears the drunk cry out "Yes". "Well where in the heck are you?" the man yells. And the drunk replies "Im over here.......On the swing." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeadRoach Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 So this Irishman and Scotsman enter the bar, and the bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?".... sorry, couldn't resist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E_NORM_US_1 Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 oooooo that was really LAME roach LoL :roll: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotty Posted October 28, 2003 Share Posted October 28, 2003 ok my few cents, whats the difference between a bad skydiver and a bad golfer;bad golfer goes *whack* crudbad skydiver goes crud *whack*The charges being read against the man in the dock"you are charged on the 25th of february you murdered your wife with an axe"from the back of the courtroom a loud "you b*****d!"The judge brought down his gavel and demanded that there be silence within the court. The clerk to the court continued. "You are further charged that on the same day you murdered your mother-in-law with an axe.""you rotten b*****d!" came a shout from the back of the courtroom.Again the judge hammered on his alter and demanded that the interjector be brought before him."what is th meaning of this outbirst?" he demanded"im his next door neighbour Your Honour. Only a month ago, i asked to borrow his axe and the swine said he didnt have one"=D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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