Disaster

 

Whispers of warning

 

crash hard on the shores.

 

Pride is lost

 

in a cold, wet burst

 

of grief.

 

Grief of the people,

 

the people still there,

 

there in a trap,

 

a trap of reality,

 

the nightmare of reality.

 

Death is there;

 

his reminders float

 

in poisoned waters

 

and stick in all our minds.

 

After the winds died down,

 

the victims became the storm

 

with rain that killed and looted.

 

Life is stolen by poisoned life,

 

if not by Death,

 

and the numbers rise

 

as we hear the cries

 

of the SOS of the century.

 

Mark S. Miller Jr.

 

:o I wrote that! :o

please post any comments ONLY about this poem in this thread, thank you :o

Beautiful poem (grabs a tissue) *cries*

thank you :o

Kevin, you cry too much. XD. anyway, im not that good with poetry so i can only say that it is better than what i could write.

It's a good poem, but I've never been a fan of free verse. I still prefer the good, old iambic pentameter. That being said, your diction is good, and it helps to convey the images of loss and turmoil well.

Kevin, you cry too much. XD. anyway, im not that good with poetry so i can only say that it is better than what i could write.

Well Steve, if people would stop, this wouldn't have happened, poopyhead lol

j/k man . i dont know what you mean by "if people would stop"....

j/k man . i dont know what you mean by "if people would stop"....

lol, meaning that people keep posting things that are sad which makes me sad. it's okay stevie wevie

Too bad the definition of poem as lost in ages. From structural point of view i didnt like it. And i am sure, that my teacher would flush it down the toilet. Becouse i just woke up 5 or so minutes ago i can only say for now, that "Death" is referred to as "Her", not "His".

From the expression point of view, its just another poem *shrug*. Too few complicated inside-the-mind expressions, that should make the reader at least wonder what the author was really talking about (like f.e. irony, metaphor or something). Things like that make 'poem' a poem.To put things so bluntly makes this creation only a prose broken to into few more lines that it should normally take.

 

Few things make me cry nowadays. This creation did not.

you are on my ignor list now... LOL

Good ole Kywalker, never afraid to be perfectly frank. I gotta respect that.

 

Kudos DH for have the cajones to post the poem, regardless of its merits or lack there of.

Good ole Kywalker, never afraid to be perfectly frank. I gotta respect that.

 

Kudos DH for have the cajones to post the poem, regardless of its merits or lack there of.

yep gotta lov it.

I liked it

 

kinda emo, but was appropriate for the situation

Too bad the definition of poem as lost in ages. From structural point of view i didnt like it. And i am sure, that my teacher would flush it down the toilet. Becouse i just woke up 5 or so minutes ago i can only say for now, that "Death" is referred to as "Her", not "His".

 

From the expression point of view, its just another poem *shrug*. Too few complicated inside-the-mind expressions, that should make the reader at least wonder what the author was really talking about (like f.e. irony, metaphor or something). Things like that make 'poem' a poem.To put things so bluntly makes this creation only a prose broken to into few more lines that it should normally take.

 

Few things make me cry nowadays. This creation did not.

Meanie D:<

To demonstrate my point i decided to slightly re-write Your creation. It still lacks structure (i am not good in english rhymes), but that can be tackled later. Now i wil only adress the charge of Your over-bluntness.

 

Wrath

 

Poseidon's wrath has invaded Our shores

 

shaterring pride's mirror with cold breath.

 

Laying trap between cold and fiery instinct,

 

poisoning minds with nature's own womb.

 

Silence wins over laughter as angry voices cry

 

to heavens for help that does not come.

 

PS. I really have to stop doing these things right after i wake up (which was 10 minutes ago today).

 

Anyway, feel free to base upon that, add structure, maybe even more expressions and You can get a decent things, that can be call a poem finally.

I thought of WW2 Normandy beach attack. Likley because of early mention of shores and much pain. Interesting wording.