"Vegetarian: Old Indian word for bad hunter."

 

saw that and lmao

Heh!

found some more. Some are funny, some make you think, and some are well you know .

 

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

 

Derange: Where dee buffalo roam.

 

Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

 

It's a small world. So you have to use your elbows a lot.

 

History is nothing more than the behind of the present.

 

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

 

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

 

The trouble with life is...there's no background music.

 

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

 

Get the facts first. You can distort them later.

 

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

 

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

 

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow

 

isn't looking good either.

 

All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.

 

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

 

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening...

 

Were you alone or by yourself?

 

Were you present when your picture was taken?

 

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

 

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

 

Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.

 

Don't take life to seriously, you won't get out alive.

 

Veni, Vedi, Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

 

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

 

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

 

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

 

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

 

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

 

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

 

So you were gone until you returned?

 

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

 

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."

 

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."

 

Wrinkled was not one of the things i wanted to be when i grew up.

 

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

 

The world is full of willing people some willing to work and some willing to let them.

 

Ever stop to think? and forget to start again?

 

Try not to let your mind wander. It's too small and fragile to be out by itself.

 

Definition of gun control: use both hands.

 

The meek shall inherit the earth....after we're finished with it..

 

You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

 

My wild oats have turned to shredded Wheat.

 

It's only funny until somebody gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.

 

Consciousness - that annoying time between naps.

 

So what's the speed of dark?

 

If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

 

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

 

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

 

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

 

You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core... I like that in a person!

 

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

 

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

 

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

 

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

 

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

 

Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.

 

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

 

Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm.

 

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

 

If you don't care where you are, you're not lost.

 

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

 

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

 

For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

 

Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them

 

Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

I can name some people to who this applies too

 

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Those are pretty interesting.

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

I really got a kick out of this one and the one thats in my sig.

Vegatarians rule, atleast for less health problems and longevity. Fish and white meat okay too. Red meat being linked from research to cancer like most things theses days.