well, im not sure if i understand your question....what do you mean?

Growing up with my dad was basically the same, he was a bipolar manic depressive and he hated women (no, he's not *** he just thinks that they're only good for cooking and cleaning) so everytime something went wrong with his life he would take it out on me. With my situation it was too severe to try and work the problems out with him so I ended up just moving out and I havnt seen him since last Christmas (when he kicked me out of his house on christmas day for beating him at a game of dominos heh).

 

I think your dad yelling at you is a definite sign of him needing to find a way to express his frustrations and anger, and by ignoring him it will make it worse. You know, parents have a funny way of thinking that you ignoring them shows lack of respect and will most likely make the situation worse. I cant offer any advice but I can say I know what you're going through and can offer my condolences

I have some of the same problems, mostly with my dad not speaking to me if I dont play football or get good grades ect. often trying to rebute what they say only makes it worse as they cant stand to be out debated by a child, and the reason "because i said so" is used.. mostly a classic case of parents trying to do things they never could do through their children.

Thank you for your condolences Lucky. *hug* I'm sure your condolences mean a lot to me.

 

ha, lucky Flip. my dad is bent on getting the garbage out. he cant stand it when i dont get the garbage taken out. i dont mean he gets really angry, but he gets annoyed.

Hey Steve, it sounds like we have the similar dads when it comes down to taking out the garbage.

yeah, my dad hates it when i boss my sister because she wont listen to either him or my mom. its kinda similar to DH's case. my mom hates it too but man does my sister need a good whack over the head with a 2x4... my dad just doesnt like being overpowered(as in me being assertive in everything i do, including correcting my sisters and the kids at my mom's daycare). and Lucky...im sorry to hear that. i hope something changes your dad's life so he can see what harm(emotionally i can only hope) hes done to you and/or his family.

he just thinks that they're only good for cooking and cleaning)

all dad's are like that, i know mine is. he's always yelling how my sisters are never helping around the house and how only they have to clean the dishes, the house, and make food (he's always bitchin at my mom to get the food ready).

all dad's are like that, i know mine is. he's always yelling how my sisters are never helping around the house and how only they have to clean the dishes, the house, and make food (he's always bitchin at my mom to get the food ready).

Nah, mine isn't. I guess after reading a bit I do feel somewhat lucky. Yeah, he's hard to talk to sometimes, and maybe a little unreasonable at times, but of course, everyone is like that.

 

About your problem medic, I would talk to him about it. I'm not sure how your dad realy works, but for me, I would pick a good day. Perhaps when he is in a decent mood (again, may be more effective when he is angry) and..

 

If he is in a peaceful mood: try and explain to him how you feel. I'm sure that he still loves you, and is just trying to find a way to vent his anger. Perhaps tell him you could help him a bit, maybe try to help him out.

 

Also, you said that right after he yelled at you he wanted to go to breakfast. Next time, go with him. I know, it might sound odd, but chances are he want's to talk. Bring it up with him there, and explain in a calm manner. It's a public place, so the chances of him getting overworked aren't too high (because of course, don't want to get embaressed). Again, I think that could work.

 

However, is all else fails...

 

... Let all hell break loose next time he yells at you. Basicly said, Yell back at him. It might be sad, but it may be the only way he will understand what's going on. It will probaly be tough to do (especialy some kids might be afraid of their father at times, I don't know about you) but do it. I'm not sure what to do if that doesn't work.

"MEDIC" Seriously now, it is important you understand the following in my opinion :

 

1- What medication has he been on for long time. Research it on net to know possible effects.

 

2-be understanding that he has many stresses, job, money outlook, you, family, etc...

 

3-if he has a bad day, frustrations with health, job, money, whatever, all other concerns and frustrations will have more negative effect then when he's feeling "satisfied". Quote : "Rolling Stones" - "Can't Get No Satisfaction"

 

4-some people when stressed need "quiet time". that is, leave them alone to calm down in their own way.

 

5-others may want or need to say their frustrations to get them out.

 

6-if someone is "bitching" a lot it's cause they are worried or upset about something. trick is to figure out from their body language, eye contact , words, etc .. if they want or are best being asked to vent their biggest frustration that is making all other concerns seem bigger, or just give them their own space.

 

7-if he asks to do something with you it's likely an attempt to appease you and maybe help himself feel better.

 

8-but you have to decide if he'll keep picking on you or use the time to explain what is stressing him out. if he under sever influence of too much coffee, drugs, painkillers ... very much like volcano ... painkillers, caffeine, nicotine withdrawel or even thoughts of cutting it back or giving it up, can seriously depress or stress people out.

 

9-NEVER use FIRE against FIRE ... that is, if he in upset state, you who aren't to begin with must try no matter what he says or does, to stay and be calm and nice ... if you feel comments are making you angry, best thing to do is nicely say you are sorry he is so upset and say you are starting to feel the same and would prefer to go for walk or bike ride to think about it all and calm back down. this way he gets needed "quiet time" to think about evrything.

 

10-water on fire always better. by asking nicely if he wants to explain what's really bothering him. (maybe dangerous if he won't give off you and on to why he having bad day), if not, say you understand or want to understand and ask if there's anything you can do to help. but that could open "pandora's box" if he replies with what he hos concerns about you that you may not agree with.

 

11-it's delicate. best approach is calm offer asking if he'd like to talk about it (or anything else if picking on you), or accept offer from him to try for some "quality time" together.

 

12-quality time can be anything or nothing, just sitting together listening, not arguing, trying to understand each persons feelings.

 

Good luck man. Key word, man. Boys and teens tend to flare up where as more intelligent mature choices are to stay calm and considerate of what current interests are. Takes lot of practice. Hence the words, respect your elders. Yes, some people never learn to control their emotions/actions/words, others occaisionally lose it then get it back. it's how others respond to them at time that determines how far "the fire" goes before "burning out" and settling down.

 

Hope this helps. I tried, based on experience of which I feel there's always room for improvement. No one should think they "no it all", or heard it all, ever. Give the time to listen if it seems appropriate.

I can definately empathize with your situation medic. I lost both of my parents at a young age and was sent to live with my Aunt and Uncle. My uncle would yell at me for any and everything he could think of not holding my fork right at the dinner table, not working enough(even though I worked 30+ hours my entire highschool career). I know nothing ever seems good enough and you're always doing something wrong. Behaviour like your dads usually comes from depression or anxiety. It's not your FAULT its your dads, don't ever forget that! You're 17 now and will be out on your own soon enough. You have your entire life ahead of you to be a much better man than him. Remember this situation when you have kids; treat them with respect, understanding and love.

 

PS Relationships are all about sharing responsibilities and equality. No one person should do all of anything, all that leads to is harbored resentment and a partnership doomed to fail.

 

Keep the faith medic, its a big world out there with lots of opportunities just waiting for you to find them.

Good words Jon Jon. Remember everyone that stressed out people won't be helped by stressing/challenging/arguing with them. Good intentions are best handled in good ways.

Thanks, I will be sure to take all your words for granted. Much appreciated everyone.

all dad's are like that, i know mine is. he's always yelling how my sisters are never helping around the house and how only they have to clean the dishes, the house, and make food (he's always bitchin at my mom to get the food ready).

I cook and clean and would never say " hey, go do the dishes" or "where's supper?" I don't like what the inside of the dog house looks like.

 

As for advice to Medic, I don't have much because my dad only yelled at me when I was stupid or wrong. He wasn't abusive. He died when I was 24 and I would do almost anything to have him yell at me now. I hope you get your situation straightened out because when they're gone they're gone and you can't say sorry or hear a sorry then.

 

Klinked!

I cook and clean and would never say " hey, go do the dishes" or "where's supper?" I don't like what the inside of the dog house looks like.

 

As for advice to Medic, I don't have much because my dad only yelled at me when I was stupid or wrong. He wasn't abusive. He died when I was 24 and I would do almost anything to have him yell at me now. I hope you get your situation straightened out because when they're gone they're gone and you can't say sorry or hear a sorry then.

 

Klinked!

I'm very sorry to hear that Klink. D: *hug*

yeah my parents were never that bad, so i feel really damn sorry for you. i basicly made sure at a young age that they knew that i have my own opinion, and there is nothing that they can do to change that. if they ever yell at me for no reason, i yell back and point out how much of an idiot they are, and 9 out of 10 times they usually get it that there is no way in hell that they will ever get the better of me. for that other 1/10th time i just yell some more. i must be a parents worst nightmare

I cook and clean and would never say " hey, go do the dishes" or "where's supper?" I don't like what the inside of the dog house looks like.

 

As for advice to Medic, I don't have much because my dad only yelled at me when I was stupid or wrong. He wasn't abusive. He died when I was 24 and I would do almost anything to have him yell at me now. I hope you get your situation straightened out because when they're gone they're gone and you can't say sorry or hear a sorry then.

 

Klinked!

i use to miss the war stories my 96 year old uncle use to tell me untill he died a few years ago. and also just stories about what life was like during ww1 and ww2. he was such a nice man and the best uncle anyone could have. i miss all of the jokes he'd tell me and things like that. one of the funniest guys you'll ever meet. he was in good health up untill the last 2 or 3 years of his life. the man still drove his car, went swimming all the time, took care of his car when he was in his early 90's.

 

i miss him alot.

Yep, my dad left Germany just after WWII and he had some stories to tell too let me tell ya.

Yep, my dad left Germany just after WWII and he had some stories to tell too let me tell ya.

was he in the HitlerJugend ? or Volksturm ?

 

one of my other uncles was wounded when his half track waas hit by a shell, he had shrapnel in his left tempel, left knee and left elbow, luckily he survived, but he died in 1983, so i never got to meet hiim. i wish i did. but aparently he never liked to talk about the war my dad was telling me.

 

the only thing he use to tell my dad was that the food was crap, and the stench of all of the dead bodies he'd see at the side of the road waas terrible, and since he waas a machine gunner on a half track, as well as a ordinary infantrymen, i'm sure he killed some men.

( getting back to the topic )

 

i can't remember who said it earlier, but totally ignoring the person doesn't help the situation, even though i totally ignore my muther, because i can;t forget the things she has said.

 

i also have to live with the fact that i didn;t see eye to eye with my dad for almost a month, and then he has a bad stroke, and almost died.

 

so now we can't do the things that we use to like doing with each other, because he lost most of his movment in his right arm, and a little in his right leg. so we can;t play baseball anymore, go bowling, build things in our workshop in our basement....

 

i have no relationship with my mum hardly at all, same with my brother.

 

so please, don't take anything for granted, because you will regret these things for the rest of your lives, and i have to live with this for the rest of mine.

 

so try to be nice to the ones closest to you, because you never know what the future holds.

 

i've made too many mistakes in the past that i'd give my right arm to change them.

you had a NINETY-SIX year old uncle!? man how old was your grandpa!? wow, thats alot of years. also, the reason many people dont like to talk about wars they were in is because they dont want to remember it. the killing, their friends dying right next to them, the explosions...everything ....its like a nightmare that will never go away.

He told me that all they had to eat was potatoes and turnips for years til the war was over. Sugar, bread, butter were luxuries. They had to leave their home in Hamburg to live on a farm to survive and thye were actually quite rich before Hitler took all the money for the war effort. It wasn't all rosey for the Germans either.

you had a NINETY-SIX year old uncle!? man how old was your grandpa!? wow, thats alot of years. also, the reason many people dont like to talk about wars they were in is because they dont want to remember it. the killing, their friends dying right next to them, the explosions...everything ....its like a nightmare that will never go away.

sorry, i meant my great uncle.

 

and yeah, i know thats why they don;t like to talk about it.

all dad's are like that, i know mine is. he's always yelling how my sisters are never helping around the house and how only they have to clean the dishes, the house, and make food (he's always bitchin at my mom to get the food ready).

Not ALL dads..